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http://www.kickbully.com/basic.html his website focuses on workplace bullying, but you can apply their advice to other bullying situations. This section provides the basics of alerting people to how you are being bullied. Also gives great tips on staying calm, polite and assertive. Don't be put off by the confrontational website's ironic address 'kickbully'. It's not advising people to be physically or emotionally violent. This thoughtful website encourage people to defuse bullying peacefully with grace.

http://www.kickbully.com/tools.html Note: the webpage title's 'Tools for fighting back' is referring to dealing with the bullying in a peaceful and assertive manner. It is not referring to using emotional abuse or aggression.

The topics in this section are: Clarifying what the bully is saying. Revealing their subtle attacks to others. The great benefits of paraphrasing the bully's words. Ignoring distractions and getting back on topic. Moving the meeting forward after someone has derailed the main topic/conversation. Ending and reducing monologues. Stop the bully from interrupting you or wandering off topic. Interrupting politely and assertively.  Using humour to defuse a tense situation. Maintaining your strength, grace and dignity. Declining outrageous and irrational orders from the bully. Acknowledge your mistakes without being steamrolled.

http://www.kickbully.com/useful.html Useful tips for specific bullying situations. How to respond to threats with dignity. Harassment - Handling harrassment assertively. Being assertive when a bully is aggressive. Ridicule (Pointing out the the bully's poor taste in ridiculing you). Drawing attention to the bully's aggressive body language. Rumor mongering (handling rumor spreading. Refusing to listen to or spread rumours).  
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From the website:

TEEN LINE is based on the premise that when teenagers encounter problems, they usually turn first to their peers for advice. Many teens think their parents can't possibly understand what's happening in their lives and that their friends might laugh or abandon them. TEEN LINE provides a safe, confidential place to talk things out with another teen.



It offers email help, online chat, message boards, resources and information.


CALL: (310) 855-HOPE (4673) OR (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only)

SCCC in LA: http://www.sccc-la.org/ Phone: (323) 937 1344

 From the website:
The Center's founders, Psychologist Hans Hoffman and Psychiatrist Ben Weininger, believed that no one should be denied counseling because of poverty. Client fees are based on a sliding scale in an effort to make counseling affordable to all income groups.

Read more... )
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Hi everyone,

Some fascinating and useful information on simple ways to help people recover from trauma:

Psychetruth's video "Psychology of Trauma & Distress; Helping People Overcome" (narrated by John Breeding)


I'm glad that Breeding's listed the common symptoms to trauma. I'm also glad that he acknowledged that responses to trauma are not always a sign of mental illness.

Taking things slowly, acknowledging people's feelings is a good way to help people recover from trauma.

Expressing your emotions, letting your energy out in some way (through activity or sport) is a good way to relieve stress. I would have preferred it if he gave more details on how to deal with trauma.
According to John Breeding, Reevaluation counselling advises that you can help traumatised people by doing these things:

-Listen and encourage feelings to be expressed. Be relaxed and confident. Stay close to people.

-You must look after yourself (be relaxed and confident) in order to be able to help other people.

-Crying is a good way to express sadness or outrage, in order to relieve stress.

-Go slow. Take time. Notice what you're feeling in your body. Don't always fill in silences with questions. Help people feel safe. Don't put pressure on the other person to talk.

John Breedings tips on how to deescalate violent or aggressive situations:

- Take deep breath. Let energy settle into lower feet

-adopt a soothing tone of voice

-avoid threatening behaviours/gestures

-state you noticed the aggressive behaviour without shaming or exaggeration

-Offer empathy and paraphrase what the other person said e.g. "I understand that 's a frsutrating situation. You were pissed off."

-Don't threaten to punish someone.

-Say they're not alone. "I'm here with you. I can see that you're frustrated. I know it's hard. We're going to work it out".

-Say something that shows your relationship with the other person can be repaired. "we can work it out. we'll get through this. I'm still with you."

Give chances to save face. "I bet you could handle this. We can get this cleaned up if we work together".
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I've read an interesting article called "Sleight of Mouth patterns and Communication Patterns in Psychiatric Settings". You can read it here:


The following text in italics is from the article. The normal blue text are my own comments on the article:

Now, let's look at the patterns from the reverse perspective. A patient who is asked to carry out a task X,Y or Z denies responsibility/capability by stating, "I haven't got a head." I have experienced a patient that maintained this line for several years. The standard response from the staff was a simpering effort of, "Well, that is just how you feel, why don't you go and sit down."

Because she was labeled as "ill", this statement was permitted as a statement of feeling and thus supported and inadvertently legitimized by the staff. Through experience, the staff had soon learned on arriving in the department that for themselves, this was the line of least resistance. Questioning this patient too closely could prove to be a very frustrating affair where invariably the patient would still get her own way.

Statement: "[I cannot do X,Y,Z because] I haven't got a head."

Pattern #2 - Consequence: "And what happens when you haven't got a head?"

Pattern #4 - Chunk Down: "So how can you talk without a head?" I think this is a good comment, as it clarifies and gently challenges what the client is saying
Pattern #6 - Counter-Example: "How is it that you are able to talk then?" This also gently challenges what the client is saying, which is appropriate.

Pattern #9 - Apply To Self: "So the head that you haven't got thinks that?"

Pattern #11 - Change Frame Size: "Oh right, so if we all used that excuse, nothing would ever get done." This sentence shouldn't be used, as it could aggravate clients. I've worked as a student social worker in a psychiatric hospital, and some clients could get physically or verbally abusive (and very distressed) if staff made rude comments like this. Many clients at the hospital I worked at were also less likely to obey instructions from staff who talked rudely like this. I've seen clients who refused to talk to staff who they thought were rude.

Pattern #12 - Meta-Frame: "You only say that because you like to confuse the staff about how you feel." How could Austin have known if the client is trying to confuse the staff? Not an appropriate question, IMHO. Plus it makes assumptions about the clients that may not be true. And plenty of psychiatric clients say bizarre things because of their mental illness, anyway!

Pattern #13 - Model of The World: "In my opinion, you are saying that as a metaphor for something else, are you not?" This question seems fine, except for the words "are you not". Using the words "are you not" assumes something that may not be true, and it is a leading question. Plus I've seen some psychiatric clients become easily offended (and refuse to talk/give vaguer answers) if someone uses leading questions (even when the leading questions are inoffensive).

Pattern #14 - Reality Strategy: "How do you know that not having a head stops you from doing X,Y,Z?" This is good, as it's a clarifying question (it gets the client to explain their views).

Read more... )
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The following text in italics is an interesting article I found from wikipedia, which is about Sleight of Mouth. I'll post more on the use of Sleight of Mouth in Psychiatric settings, and my thoughts on this later:

Sleight of Mouth
is a system of language patterns for persuasion. The concept was devised by
Robert Dilts who modelled the argument and persuasion skills of Richard Bandler (the co-founder of Neuro-linguistic programming). By breaking down the methods, Dilts came up with 14 original patterns.[1] Others, such as Steve and Connirae Andreas, have added even more patterns beyond these original 14.[2]

As with other facets of the NLP system, the intention behind formalising the study of influence is to allow people to understand the process, and to duplicate those skills through the direct application of one or more of the Sleight Of Mouth patterns.

The name "Sleight of Mouth" builds off the phrase "Sleight of Hand" which refers to a magician's skills in making things happen which appear impossible.Ultimately, Sleight of Mouth focuses on influence by challenging, and thus changing, beliefs.

A brief description of the key patterns appears below. However, most of the understanding will follow from working through examples, and seeing how these are applied.

  • Intent: Focus on the intention behind the statement. This can be done by highlighting their positive intent behind the belief, or by challenging the negative intent.
  • Consequences: Find a consequence (even an unintended consequence) which results in the belief being challenged.
  • Another Outcome: Maybe people who XYZ need ABC.
  • Counterexample: Use an exception where their statement would not be true - which causes the belief that underlies the statement to be questioned.
  • Apply to self: Turn the comment back to them - by saying (or implying) that the consequence they suggest applies to you, actually applies to them for making the original statement.
  • Reality strategy: Challenge the belief based on the fact that beliefs arise from certain perceptions. Ultimately, this is about asking how they know their belief is true, or what aspects of the belief are really the issue. (This is like the Metamodel.)
  • Model of the World: Argue that they are saying that as a metaphor for something else.
  • Meta frame: Challenge the basis behind the belief, rather than the belief. Suggest that their belief presupposes something.
  • Change Frame Size: Extend the implications of the belief to a larger (or a smaller) scale; or to a larger (or shorter) time frame.
  • Hierarchy of Criteria: Challenge the belief based on more important criteria, suggesting something more important they should be considering.
  • Chunk Down: Look at a specific element and challenge the belief.
  • Chunk Up: Generalise in order to challenge the belief.
  • Metaphor/Analogy: Use an example which challenges the belief.
  • Redefine: Use similar words to say the same thing, ensuring that the implication is changed.[1]
  • Timeline: Challenge the belief on the basis of how long it holds true. A challenge may initiate: "That's true today, what about next year? Still true?" [3]
  • Redirect: Attack the belief by questioning the underlying beneficial motives. Query "Yes, and what positive value leads you to believe that?" [4]
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rachelmanija has a fantastic guide to PTSD at her livejournal:


Part 1 of her guide outlines what happens during trauma and what happened to her.

Part 2 explains her history with PTSD, what it felt like to her, and dealing with other people who have it.

Part 3 of the guide to PTSD discusses recovery from PTSD (including treatments for PTSD); PTSD's lingering effects; book, film, and TV that provide useful insights into PTSD.

Her guide is a must-reasd for anyone who wants to understand the causes of PTSD and/or find out how PTSD affects people's lives, treatments for PTSD.


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